One thing I love to do - a lot

Be a good friend.

Just being there to lighten the load is the best.

Allowing someone to be there for you is a genuine gift to the people you invite in.

Much love.

Who REALLY loves you?

Want to know who REALLY loves you?

Force your spouse/significant other and your dog into the trunk of your car.

Drive around a couple hours on treacherous roads - potholes, tree limbs, speed bumps, rocks.

Return, park your car and open the trunk.

Which one is still happy to see you?

---------------------------------------------------------



NOTE: For anyone who doesn't understand that this is a joke: this is a joke.

A joke I probably should not laugh at, but could not help myself.

Do not ever force anyone into the trunk of a car - animal or human.

Hanging out with Friars will do this to you. ;-)

Friends and friendships

My family moved 17 times by the time I was 17.

My father was in the Air Force, so I am what is deemed a "military brat."

As much as I learned from my thousands of "new kid" experiences, countless people I met and numerous schools I attended- to quote the ever-honest Eric Roberts, with whom I had breakfast one morning as we were preparing for his extraordinary work in my feature film The Whole Truth: "Whoa. That'll make you strange."

OK, I'd much rather consider myself, "unique."

One thing I cherished deeply along the way was friendships. I took them so much more seriously than the kids I met because they actually lived where they were. They knew they'd see their same friends the next day.

I knew our time was precious and I would not be there long. It was tough to leave because I tried so hard to feel like I belonged where ever we were, but was uprooted time and again.

At a very early age I realized that my "hometown" was and always will be where I am standing; where my heart is.

Which is why I have no childhood friends; I also have no awareness of having relatives beyond my immediate and small family. We moved so often I did not have the opportunity to get to know any of them with more than a passing glimpse.

Building a new and chosen family of people and pets has been a blessing.

Sorry for the verbosity - this is a very roundabout way of saying that I defined friends and friendships very early on as people who make me feel like I belong with them, and they belong with me.

It doesn't happen often. In fact, it happens very seldom. But when it does occur, it feels like New Year's eve. There's a little celebration that goes on in my heart. There's a sense of renewal.

As exciting as it is, there's also a sense of comfort, warmth and safety; like we're both better people when we're together or even thinking of one another. Over time, an authentic love develops. There's no pressure of time or deadlines or stress of performance. There is a feeling that we can be carefree without being careless; of being free without being thoughtless.

It is revered. Sacred.

And appreciated.

Well over eleven years, my best friend and I have developed a connection that has grown systematically over every day of all those weeks and months. For months at a time we emailed one another every day through times rough and rife with joy. We speak nearly weekly on Skype.

We're very different "types" of people but we always seem to have something to share or teach one another from a distance of many thousand miles. I live in Seattle, he lives in Manchester, England. I'm single with four pets - he's married with two daughters to whom he is devoted - one of whom is in college now.

In times of travail, we are the first - or among the first - people we call. His wife is more than happy to have him complain to me since he also does it with her and her "whine-0-meter" has a limit, and she knows he would never complain/whine/bitch and moan about her (he never has).

I visited him nearly two years ago for three weeks and had the most wonderful time evah! Go back far enough here and you can read the many blogs about my adventures in England, with tons of photos.

Coming from my background, it's not unusual for people to come and go. And for any number of reasons - one of which is attention. Relationships require time and attention. Generally more in the beginning, though if it's meant to be deep and rich and thrive it takes on a life of its own and fills both people with a contentment, gratification and fun that never ceases.

Friendships also feed my innovative nature - I'm a prolific creative machine whose passion for my work thrives in the company of true friends. I'm a person with few close friends, but they infuse me with energy, a joy of life and never ending inspired vision.

I'm in the midst of developing a new friendship that has all these qualities and more. Again, as exciting as it is, there is also a sensation of safety and satisfaction. Of compassion, non-judgement and acceptance.

Only history will show if it's meant to be another lifelong association.

I like to say I treat my friends like lovers (without the sex!), my lovers like friends. It just feels like the right way to show friends they are as valued as the ought to be in my life.

True love and friendship never end

See for yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=adYbFQFXG0U&feature=related

Spas and intrigue!

I've never had a spa day, but one of my actors is treating me to one later this week - the best part is that we're sharing the event!

Soakings, massages, mani-pedis, facials, the works!

She is one of the reunion folks of whom I spoke earlier - she was taken away because her sister was in a coma from a very serious car accident; she had to be with her in another state. But her sister's well into a full recovery and she's back! Ready to go, on top of her game.

I'm very excited and ready to receive all that pampering!

Perhaps we should arrange for a ride home since I'm not sure I will be able to drive after so much kneading, indulging, spoiling, and warm temperatures (I normally thrive in a very cool environment - global warming is not my friend).

I imagine myself emerging a flattened gelatinous mass of protoplasm, oozing my way home.

What a treat! Truthfully, the joy of sharing the day chatting with this fantastic woman is just as thrilling as the thought of all that spa intrigue!

'cause to me, time is the greatest gift we can give anyone.

Old relationships (can) become new again

How do you handle the termination of a relationship?

When a relationship ends for me, I consider it dead - not the entire connection, just the part that didn't work.

So that intermediate "death" isn't necessarily its final demise.

But it is terminated completely for a period of time.

After some work, I realize that I understand that the way the relationship was constructed didn't work - and how to let go of it, reconstructing a new way to relate.

Whatever dysfunction caused the problems, poison or misunderstandings between the two of us, creating the elements that killed the connection in that form - those are in the past, at least for me.

To rehash nonfunctioning behavior patterns, "offenses," disputes, accusations (baseless and real), misperceptions and perceptions only keeps us mired in the past. But to recall the feelings that we don't wish to repeat? Those I find definitely worth discussing.

That to me is the process of forgiving. I choose to forgive because I don't like to live with anger or "hardness" in my heart. Whether I choose to reconcilliate - physcially reconnect - with someone who has treated me too badly to deserve reconcilliation is beside the point .. I have to forgive them and still maintain my distance. Forgiveness is for me, not for them.

As for true reconcilliation:

Renewing the relationship means creating a whole new experience with one another - an entirely new relationship - that hopefully will show the growth both people have undertaken since the original connection ceased to exist.

I tend to forget most everything that created original communication gulfs - unless someone is outright mean, or dishonest by ommission or comission with me. Those definitley need to be clarified and reconstructed.

It's been fascinating and fun to renew past relationships after a reasonable distance of time; when we decide to make a "clean" start. Misunderstandings and misperceptions tend to get cleared up, again reflecting the personal growth we've each pursued. Although I've gone in with no expectations, it has actually worked.

These relationships tend to be different - and closer than ever. I think it's because both people are equally invested in creating and maintaining a healthy relationship. We always seem to learn things about each other we never knew.

As it say, it doesn't work all the time. But when it does?

Fantastic.

This is also true of my writing projects. I can decide one is just not working and ready for the bin; that's when I tuck it away in the "dead pile" and forget about it.

Then one day I can see how it can achieve a higher creative value for that "dead" project. Time and zen work together and come up with the perfect way to make that script, book, essay, column or article *sing!* And not necessarily in its current form.

But in order for the conversion to be successful, I must remain open to the original project that didn't work being revised into an entirely new form. A book manuscript might works more appropriately as a script and vice versa. A short story becomes a much more suitable poem; a poem makes a more fitting and excellent essay, and so on.

Amazing how art reflects life. Or how life reflects art.