Colleen's thoughts on writing, directing and coaching, and her unique take on life itself!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Can someone else make you happy?

I had an interesting conversation recently about this with someone who believes that other people can make you happy.

I, on the other hand, believe that we make ourselves happy.

She insisted that unless other people make us happy, we become lonely, depressed and downhearted. Especially as we age.

When I tried to explain why I believe it's important that we learn to make ourselves happy - not at the exclusion of other people - but without being clinging or dependant on people to "make" us happy, she insisted we terminate the conversation.

She said she didn't want to "argue."

I didn't consider us anywhere near arguing, just disagreeing.

I love to talk with people with whom I disagree. Not to convince them as much as to see if I'm missing something in my own reasoning - no matter how steadfastly I defend my idea.

She considers hers the only valid viewpoint, and as far as she's concerned, that's that.

The only problem I see, however is that she's not a happy person, so she keeps wanting others to make her happy. To entertain her and make her feel special.

I'm happy. I'm happy in the company of others and on my own. I'm especially happy in one on one or small, intimate social situations rather than large groups. I'm happy around my two dogs and kitten-becoming-a-cat.

On occasion I miss specific people and when I do, I call or write them to let them know they're appreciated and make a date to see them or talk with them if they're far away. I'm also one to text folks out of the blue that I love them, heart them, miss them, care about them, am thinking of them, and ask if they need anything.

Sometimes I wonder if being happy without being surrounded by people or living with a significant other makes me somehow a loner or someone who is a little too independent.

I definitely enjoy my alone time; but coming from a background of writing in noisy TV, radio and newspaper newsrooms I'm able to write under just about any circumstance - so it's not imperative to be alone while I'm writing.

But I'm not really alone - I'm surrounded by three pets who love to be loved and played with and go for walks, a couple dozen clients who come here to be coached (some of whose sessions last several hours), my masters' writing group, friends, family...

Plus I'm socializing and networking more this year, which is turning out to be fun and exciting.

I guess the point here is that when it comes to the people in our lives, each of us has our own way to make ourselves happy with and without them.

My wish for you is that you have found your own personal way to feel good about yourself, the people you are around and happiness!

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