R u a romantic?

The thing about romantics is that they want things to be different than they really are.

They want things to be the way they want them to be. The way they feel they *should* be.

You know, romantics actually believe Cinderella is swept off her feet by Prince Charming and they live happily ever after -- even though they're missing a few (million) crucial steps to create a functional relationship.

Nothing wrong with wishing things could turn out that way though, eh? But believing that something should turn out a certain way because it's so romantic? Um, that's the recipe for a life rife with disappointment, I'm afraid.

But! It can be constructive or destructive romanticism.

Here's how it's destructive:

Like when we're first ga-ga over our someone new and special. We view that person through "rose colored glasses." Which means we don't see them the way they really are, or future trip about him/her enough to realize that those little habits and quirks we find so cute and cuddly now can feel like nails scraping a chalk board in only a matter of months.

That's romantic.

The realist in these situations is seen as hard, harsh, unromantic or even unfeeling. Not true!

The fact is the realist falls in love with the real person, not who they want the other person to be, not someone to "complete them," not someone to mother or smother them with love.

All too frequently a control freak is experienced in the beginning by a romantic as someone who cares so much about us they try to make things "right" for us. Isn't that sweet? Actually, no. Been there, done that!

The guy who seems so straight up, cute and smart - when googled? Turns out to have a myspace page full of brags about his drunken outings, crazy driving stories while smoking bud, descriptions of outsmarting the police and a list of "girls I'd like to bang."

Likewise, that down to earth girl next door-type you want to date? When googled? Turns out to have a myspace page full of photos featuring her nearly nude, suggestions of throwing open s&m parties, is irate that she was just fired from her job at McDonald's for being late every day ("What? They didn't party when they were kids?"), yadda yadda yadda, and at 25 she's been divorced twice.

Good idea to google your date these days, no matter how romantic. If you're really concerned? It's easy to get a criminal background check on anyone - just go to your stat patrol's website and for $10, they check for pedophile activity - for $25, they check for all criminal activity.

It may feel creepy to do these sorts of things if your new paramour's stories just don't add up, s/he's gone all the time, etc. But it's way better than having your heart broken and your bank account drained by some slob who doesn't care about you in the first place!

As for the "constructive" romantic:

These people envision things the want they want them to be in the future. Politics, art, culture, education, religion.

The Declaration of Independence is a romantic document. Declaring a nation where truth means we are all created equally, and entitled to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

It is that promise that makes the US so appealing - why everyone wants to come here. They may hate George Bush and US policies, but they love that promise.

And promises are romantic notions because so many of them are broken. Even when they're written contracts - signed and dated.

But so many - including me - have put on a uniform, willing to fight and die for my nation that has such a romantic notion. A notion I still believe in but have been greatly disillusioned along the way by the people who are supposed to be leading us toward those goals. They seem today to be leading us directly away from them.

I think perhaps reading that Declaration of Independence daily, before they start their workday, is something our politicians, government employees and school children may want to do, just to remind them what we're actually supposed to be working toward.

Romance itself is another subject entirely.

Romance is expressing love in a special way you love to show it.

Doing things with your paramour they love to do or doing things they want you to do is the best part of romance.

Writing notes is a loving thing to do - Sarah Jessica Parker says that she and husband Matthew Broderick do that for one another and each one is special.

Giving someone that special candy they love, the book they've been meaning to buy for months, a coupon for something they need to have done or would enjoy - all expressions of love because to be the right gift - we have to listen to the one we love in order to know what they want.

In short, a romantic deals with a notion, something that doesn't exist, but that s/he wants to materialize in reality. I can dream, wish and work to have the US live up to its Declaration of Independence promise - but it remains a promise nonetheless.

Romance is a fact, a reality. I give you a card. A poem. Sing you a song. Write you a blog. Train your dog. Wash your hair. It's an action we can see, hear, smell, taste, feel.

So for the addled romantic? I wish you a day of happiness with a dash of reality.

My hope for everyone else is a day of romance, with you receiving as many loving gestures as you give - including the romantic wish that your personal truth includes the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness!

What is sacred to you?

I had the most interesting thing happen in one of my coaching sessions recently.

It rocked my world.

As we wrapped up our meeting, my writing/performing coachee told me he considered our sessions and our work "sacred." That he considered my "wisdom," my willingness to share it so openly, and our collaboration sacred.

More, he considers my home studio a sacred place because he has derived so much knowledge and so much good here.

"This is a sacred place to me," he added thoughtfully.

I instantly realized that my relationship with most people who come through that door is sacred. That's not enough. Every relationship I have chosen to be in should be sacred. If it's not, why not?

I thought - when we consider ourselves, our time, our love, our art, our minds and souls, health, relationships, work, homes, children, pets; acts of learning, of sharing, of enlightening and empowering as well as becoming enlightened or empowered "sacred," they become intrinsically more valuable and appreciated.

Perhaps even considering our possessions sacred might limit those we collect and purchase, appreciating more those we do choose to bring home or use or give away.

When we understand the sacred, we remain aware of life instead of letting it pass us by; we are clearly conscious of what we are doing, where we are going, what we want, what we want to do and how we want to live.

I just realized that if we who have weight issues would consider food sacred, our relationship with what we eat would change significantly; if we considered our bodies sacred, our relationship with how we treat it and what we feed it would change as well -- all for the good.

I'm not suggesting that every relationship in the world should be sacred, but that when we choose to have a relationship, its sacredness should become sacrosanct.

The opposite of making our lives, love, work and relationships sacred is to neglect them, and/or take them and our lives for granted.

I guess I don't want to live that way.

I'm up for experiencing more things as sacred.

Yes, the words of my protégé were a genuine and awe-inspiring awakening.

Thank you, Earl.

The student has once again become the teacher. Namaste.