The year is ending ...

and I don't know about you, but on so many levels I'm happy to see its backside!

For me it's been a year of massive learning, growth, clarifying direction, solidifying substantial plans for the future and becoming a Friar!

A couple disappointments along the way were pretty intense, but coming out the other side - good things happened from the gear shifting that resulted.

Reflecting, researching and resolving have put the approach of January 1, 2010, in good working order because of something I've learned to put between "awareness" and "action" in my life: intention.

Every night before I fall asleep, into the netherworld of dreams, I declare my intentions for the next day. When I awaken, I do the same, generally remembering exactly what I declared my intentions to be the eight hours before, when I left the planet for inner worlds unknown.

Keeping my heart and mind open, I strive to maintain an awareness of what's transpiring around and inside me - what's really going on, not what I wish were happening! This helps me see what I must do to make the difference in my life that I desire. I then declare my intention to do or get what I wish or need - resolving to take the action necessary to help it materialize.

If it seems complicated, it's not. And it takes only a couple seconds morning and night, but it keeps my subconscious on the right track as I move through my day - and dreams, I think.

So there you are - my way of greeting the new year.

I'm looking forward to it; feeling as if I'm hitting the floor running. No need for a "fresh" start January 1, my mojo is already running in fifth gear.

May you have the most wonderful, fulfilling and rewarding new year ever.

May all your dreams come to fruition; may every wish come true and may you embrace every day with the welcoming wonder of a child eager to behold every new experience and feeling that will greet her!

On disappointment..

We all experience disappointment ... sometimes it's a minor thing that passes - nearly without notice, other times it's a razor-like paper cut that never seems to heal.

Because of its very nature, the business of show can create more reasons and occasions to be disappointed. Going to hundreds of auditions to land the few jobs available, for example.

A very smart beautiful woman once told me that the most difficulty she has looking as she does is that she disappoints so many people.

Why?

Because she has a certain type of beauty, people expect her to behave the way she appears. She doesn't do what people expect her to do, so *they* are disappointed she doesn't turn out to be the woman they imagined because of the way she looks.

She also doesn't date much, so needless to say she disappoints a lot of people who would love to go out with her.

Imagine yourself having a gorgeous, somewhat delicate look when the way you actually live your life is very down to earth, enjoying lots of outdoor activities, playing tag football and getting dirty.

For people who only see your appearance and imagine you therefore *must* behave a certain way, the imaginary person and the real personality do not compute. They are disappointed you are not the person they imagined you are.

It's the same with actors who appear to have a certain type of personality on screen, but are nothing like the roles they play in person. Disappointing.

OK, when we hire people for crew and cast a film, I'd love to hire *everyone.* But I know those who aren't selected for this particular project will be disappointed. It doesn't matter that I have a gig in mind for them on another project, because I can't talk about it now.

And here's an apparently well-kept secret, especially from actors: We're hoping-to-goodness you've got the goods. That you can nail the role. No matter how much or how little experience you have, no matter what sort of training you've received. When you walk into the room, we fervently hope YOU are the ONE.

That YOU will make the role your own and suprise us with your talent and skills.

The myth is that we're always looking for reasons to say no.

Wrong.

Why?

We want to button up the project. We want our cast to be in place, ready to go to work. Especially on long days after seeing so many people: we want to go home to spend time with our families. We can't do that if we haven't yet found the exceptional performers to fill the roles.

Another truth: when an actor is passed up for a role, it may feel like a "personal" rejection because acting is something a person does - with themselves, by themselves (even if they're in a scene with a hundred other actors).

But it's not.

In some cases, the best actor is not hired because the chemistry won't work with the rest of the cast.

In other, big budget films, the best - or "right" - actors may not be hired because the studio has ordered specific actors to be used, believing the miscast actors will draw a huge box office. But people don't come to see a film that turns out to look so seriously miscast. Audiences stay away in droves.

A couple things that do negatively influence casting decisions these days: stories of heavy drinking, drugging or being difficult to work with. At one time, these problems would be tolerated. Today, very few actors with this sort of reputation are hired -- *unless* they are drawing hundreds of millions of dollars to the box office, because it's expensive to work with dysfunctional actors.

But what happens in the industry - when that troubled/trouble-making actor has his or her first "lesser" box office success (let's call it what it is, a *bomb*), he or she is immediately shut out because it has become too expensive to hire that person on a number of levels.

I know in some cases people who have put up with the bs of the arrogant, abusive, addicted actor can hardly wait for them to make their first bomb, because that actor will find themselves out of work, refused jobs and have to start over again to prove themselves if they still want a career.

Hopefully those actors will see the light and get treatment or seek the help they need.

If I knew or coached an actor like that I would tell them what people are saying about their addictions, habits or behavior that will cost them jobs now and in the future. Especially if I witness that sort of behavior.

I have, in fact, told some actors who suffer from addictive behavior what will happen if they don't change their ways.

And the actor has either taken the information to heart and sought to solve his/her problems, or have left because they did not want to address self-destructive and addictive behavior at that point. Or don't believe there is a problem - at least that's what they told me.

I'm sure they were disappointed .. perhaps thinking, "What has that got to do with my acting?"

Well, for one thing any addictive behavior blocks feelings; understanding and tapping into the feelings of a character is the currency of acting. Kinda essential. This lesson has been learned the hard way by many of our top performers, who realized that the only way they could continue to grow as artists is to do it clean and sober.

It's worse than disappointing, it's heartachingly painful to see great artists deteriorate as people and as performers because they refuse to address their addictive behavior - and the problem with many 'stars' is that there are plenty of sychophants around them to feed those addictions until the money runs out.

As for my own casting process - working with as many actors as I have over the years, believe me when I say I'd love to cast everyone! Hire all the fantastic crew people I know! Provide jobs for everyone!

But of course that can't happen, and so I have to keep in mind the one boss to serve - the audience. To serve the audience, I need to make the most careful decisions about who works with us in front of and behind the screen; making sure they're right for the role and that the chemistry between everyone clicks.

Nothing hurts worse than to see a promising film that is so obviously miscast.

I often reflect on all the disappointments and victories I've experienced -- which have landed me right where I am. It's not such a bad place to be.

In fact, I wouldn't have it any other way.

The flip side

When I'm feeling "down," I tend to want to enjoy a little too much comfort food if I don't stay on top of my feelings.

When I remain aware of my pain and breathe through it, I understand I need to eat well in order to help those painful feelings pass a little more quickly than they would if I'm also feeling badly about how I'm treating my body.

I'm so not interested in those feelings of hurt and sadness hanging around a long time. I know they have to be experienced so I can get on the other side of them and back to peaceful and happy - and the only way to get on the other side is to go through them.

Interestingly, Buddhism declares that the reason - and degree to which - we suffer emotionally is caused by our attachment to things and people.

The more we are attached to someone or something, the more apt we are to experience deep sadness, agony and other miserable feelings with their separation.

It's not that we should be free of attachment, but that we rather hold anyone and anything for whom we care lovingly with an open hand rather than imagining that we need to be so close we share the same molecule.

It's sort of like loving unconditionally without stalking the other person or allowing ourselves to be abused, disrespected or neglected.

The point is - no one can be happy 100% of the time, and it's important that we understand how to deal with the flip side - sadness, disappointment, lethargy, gloom, misery, melancholy or heartbreak.

I've learned when we take care of ourselves - as hard as that is during times of woe, the downside passes more quickly. Ultimately. The more we have the courage to experience the pain hitting us instead of trying to avoid it or souping up on our vices - the faster it transports itself out of our system.

I've certainly gone through this process more than I'd care to admit, but have to say it works.

I also know that if it lasts too long, professional help should defintely be sought.

But for the majority, letting ourselves sit with the misery so it can move on instead of fighting it or simply trying to entertain ourselves "out" of it generally works wonders.

Sharing with friends is also a great way to help the unhappy energy pass through a little more quickly. The British expression is, "a problem shared is a problem halved."

I guess the reason it feels lifted is that when we acknowledge the pain and its cause, indentify it and say it out loud, we can release it. Then we can investigate and understand how it happened and how we can prevent it in the future. Or how we can repair the damage, which perhaps is the most healing thing we can do.

As the sadness dissipates, there's now room for good vibes to take their place, and it's important to be with people who can give us positive messages about ourselves.

It takes courage to deal with difficult feelings - and it takes a champion mentality to confront them and then reach out to make an effort to make amends.

Back to Buddhism.

I believe what they mean is that if we don't allow our identity to become so massively enmeshed in someone else's identity or work, when we run into bumps in the road they won't be so deep they outright paralyze us.

People will always disappoint us, sooner or later.

The degree to which we suffer from that disillusionment depends on how deeply we've allowed ourselves to become immersed in someone else's expectations, world, identification or personality.

This is known as "maintaining our personal boundaries." Again, it doesn't mean we remain aloof. Quite the contrary it means that we communicate freely and truthfully, can love openly and honestly without letting another person become our diety, putting them and their needs or wants ahead of or above us.

The relationship is free of fear.

Two people maintaining their personal identities and boundaries have a rich, sharing, wonderful life indeed because there is no fear of loving, sharing, being open or caring because we are constantly learning and healing ourselves and the other person being compassionately empathetic with them.

If we experience ourselves enmeshed in someone or something else, losing ourselves in them somehow -- we leave ourselves open to pretty horrific pain. And it's impossible to do a thing about anyone else's behavior. They either genuinely care or they don't.

When boundaries are maintained and we've shared honestly, openly, unselfishly - we can recognize the danger signs and do someothing about it nearly immediately.

Nothing can protect us ultimately from hurt, sadness and other agonizing emotions from which we must heal. But as long as we have an awareness of our feelings and tools to deal with them, they don't have to hurtle us into pandemonium or hell along with behavior that is other- or self-destructive.

Here's a big virtual blog hug if you're suffering. ;-)

Be well.